Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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