Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
