Already got asked if we're dating
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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