you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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