Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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