We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
