Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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