Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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