I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
