I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
