I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
