did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The power of my boobs compel you
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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