I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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