I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize