9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I love you.
Bad choice
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
