I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
