I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
