I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
