True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
