If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
