Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
