i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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