I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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