I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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