We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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