never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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