This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am available for nakedness
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
