IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
