Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
