I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
