They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
