I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
