I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
