no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
