Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
