just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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