New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I supernannyed him into submission
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
