im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
