So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
