My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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