I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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