just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
