The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
