Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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