i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
