Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
