So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
