Why does Corona taste like a burp?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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