Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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