I wanna bring you to show and tell
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
