It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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