4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
