I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
