if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
