Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
