If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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