some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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