Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
