Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
