I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
