I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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