He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
