had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
