Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
