if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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