Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
