wrigley field is MILF paradise
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
