you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
