Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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