I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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