my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
