I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
