i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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