i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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