And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
farters have to be the big spoon...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
