I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
