Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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