got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
