Apparently you make a good broom.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize