My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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