Yo dont text me then not text me
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
