Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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