I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
