You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
