hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Randomize
