We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she told me i tasted like america
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
