Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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