Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
