The best revenge is premature balding
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
