My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
