sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
