i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
