??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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